Grandma-to-be flips out when mom refuses to name unborn child after brother who passed away when she was 16: 'She told me I was being cold-hearted'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Jan 13, 2025 4:00 PM EST

Welcoming a new baby into the family should be a time of happiness and harmony between parents and their adult kids. In many cases, though, it turns out to be anything but. There are two things that bring up old issues and grudges between relatives like no other, and they are weddings and producing a grandkid (if they are one of the first in particular). 

It could be argued that when you are pregnant, you have enough problems to worry about without having to think about your family's demands. Still, that doesn't stop some parents from causing a fuss. Parenthood is a topic that everybody has an opinion on and those who are closely related to you usually do not hold back in sharing it. 

What's even worse is how some grandparents-to-be try and live vicariously through their expecting children. Like it or not, it isn't their place to do that.

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    Cheezburger Image 10454142976
    via Brook Cagle (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • This is a predicament that one woman found herself in when expecting her first child with her husband. She found out she was having a boy and as a result, her mom was pressuring her to name him after her older brother, who had passed at the age of 20 in a car accident. She didn't want to do this as she had experienced a difficult relationship with her sibling, but when she expressed this to her mother, she caused a lot of upset to her and to her wider family. This all led her to seek advice on whether she was being unreasonable. 

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    Cheezburger Image 10454149888
    via Brook Cagle (Unplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    AITA for refusing to name my son after my late brother?

    Throwaway because this has caused a lot of drama in my family, and I don't want them finding this.
    via Pitiful-Rate-8266
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    I (28F) am pregnant with my first child, a boy, due in a few months. My husband (29M) and I have been discussing names for a while and finally agreed on one we both love. However, my mom recently suggested we name the baby after my late brother, Ethan, who passed away when I was 16. Ethan was 20 when he did in a car accident, and while it was tragic, he and I were not close. In fact, he bu ied me a lot growing up, calling me names, mocking my interests, and even getting physical a few times. My
    via Pitiful-Rate-8266
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    When my mom suggested we name the baby Ethan, I politely said no. She got upset and said it would be a beautiful way to honor my brother's memory. When I explained how I felt about Ethan and our relationship, she told me I was being "cold-hearted" and "disrespecting the de_d." Other family members have chimed in, saying I'm being selfish and that I need to think about what this would mean to my mom, not just myself.
    via Pitiful-Rate-8266
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    My husband is completely supportive of my decision and says it's our baby, so the name should reflect what we want, not what others want. But now I'm starting to wonder if I'm being unfair to my mom, who's clearly still grieving. AITA for refusing to name my son after my late brother?
    via Pitiful-Rate-8266
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    Commenters did not hold back on what they thought about the situation.

    Sparkyand Dolche No, you're entitled to name your son whatever you want to. Definitely NTA.
    via SparkyandDolche

    The conclusion was unanimous: mom was overstepping, and needed to take a long, hard look at how she was processing her grief.

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    Aromatic_Lemon_9215 Honestly this, and props to hubby for stepping up too. It's your child and up to you guys
    via Aromatic_Lemon_9215
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    BeginAgain2Infinitum You don't need any other reason not to pick that name other than you just don't want It. Doesn't even matter what your relationship with him was. And also, as a parent, I would not want to be reminded of sudden, unpreventable tragedies that end a young person's life every time I call my son by his name!
    via BeginAgain2Infinitum
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    Beautiful_Low_2324 Exactly! You don't need to justify your choice beyond "I don't want that name." And you're so right—why associate such a tragic memory with your child's name? Your baby deserves a name that brings joy, not one tied to painful reminders.
    via Beautiful_Low_2324
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    hndygal Right. And what about the child's desire to have their own autonomy?
    via hndygal
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    RevolutionaryDiet686 NTA Your child is not a replacement or stand in for the son they lost.
    via RevolutionaryDiet686
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    Something-Cool- This is exactly right. Even if the two of you had a great relationship, your son does not deserve the burden of the namesake. Your mom is not thinking of your son, she's thinking of hers. NTA.
    via Something-Cool-
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    lolaadreamgirl 100%, exactly! Your child isn't a way to fill the void left by your brother. It's not about being disrespectful to his memory, it's about choosing a name that works for you and your husband, and reflects the love and connection you want for your child.
    via lolaadreamgirl
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    Spirited-Ad6144 NTA. And tell your mother that maybe you would have better memories of your brother if she did anything when you told her he was bu ying you.
    via Spirited-Ad6144
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    Past Challenge_9916 ΝΤΑ Am being honest here. Your mother is being a b have a say in naming your baby . They don't Honestly just because your brother is de id it doesn't mean love will bloom because of it. I know because if my father drops de d tomorrow I'll never feel a shred of sympathy. Set firm boundaries. And congratulations on your baby's arrival
    via Past_Challenge_9916
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    LvBorzoi NTAH I would say to Mom if she can't respect your feelings on this you don't see any way she will respect your decisions on how you raise your child. If you can't trust her then you can't be around the baby. That should shut her up....not getting to see the grandbaby at all because of her lack of respect.
    via LvBorzoi
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    Muser69 Tell her to have another one. This one is yours. NTA
    via Muser69
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    Remaiyn Came here to say this. OP's son is not a replacement or a redo. I would cut everyone off if even just for a while. They're selfishly sucking the joy out of what should be a beautiful and exciting time that also comes with its own stresses.
    via Remaiyn
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    angelicak92 To anyone that tells you how much this would mean to your mum "Aw wonderful, I'll let mum know that you're happy to name your kid/grandkid after Ethan. She'll find that so special. Im still not going to but thank you, she'llbe so happy".
    via angelicak92
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    Ok_Homework_7621 ΝΤΑ Since your parents preferred your brother, naming your child after him could lead to a very unhealthy situation there. If your parents are usually this overbearing, toxic and unsupportive, I'd be reconsidering their role in your kid's life in general.
    via Ok_Homework_7621
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    maroongrad oh yeah. The psychological implications for your son are NOT good. He could be a replacement that fails to live up to expectations but is horribly spoiled, there's always a chance that he runs into a lot of resentment when he lives longer than his namesake, it's just an all-around bad idea.
    via maroongrad
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    Western_Fuzzy NTA in any capacity. It's weird that your family are insisting that you name your child something because of "how much it would mean to your mother" - your child is not a tribute or a shrine. You're not being selfish, and considering your relationship with your brother and the lack of intervention from your parents, it's galling that they're demanding this from you. I get that losing a child is fracturing and completely devastating, but she cannot impose her grief onto you. It's un
    via Western_Fuzzy

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